Professional Creation

When I first started this blog, I did it with the notion that I would finally free myself to write about what I felt was important to me and to my view of the world. That is why I chose to include the little ‘possible objectionable material’ disclaimer that you see whenever you click on the link to get here. (Update: I have since removed this disclaimer.) Seems like a lot of people in this world are scared shitless of controversy – not me, folks. Not any more, anyway.

So after writing some nice clean little stories about some of my escapades, now I feel it’s time to dive in head-first about one of my very favorite topics of all time – sex.

I was a little nervous about just giving this post the title of 'Sex' - makes it sound like that book by Madonna, and you can imagine what I think of all that. Then I thought, "Well, we can call it 'Procreation', which sounds too scientific (and by natural extension not smart-ass enough), or some obscured variation to that: 'Professional Creation', maybe? Or get even weirder and call it 'Confessional Probation'? Wait, that one's got too many other possibilities. Let's go back one step and leave it at this for now." Anyway....

I’ve always had a really strong sex drive. Must run in the family; a lot of my relation is a result of liberal procreation (this phrase could have multiple intended meanings). In this case that means my folks, their brothers and sisters, and many of their ancestors, had boatloads of kids. Lots of rompin’ in the sack. Or wherever they did it in those days. The back of the roadster, perhaps. Good for them. I can only hope it was fun. I'm sure it was, anyway, if only for at least a few seconds.

But nobody explained to me while I was growing up what those wild feelings in my loins meant. At least they never gave me any good explanations. Sex was always dirty, something you didn’t talk about, something you should be ashamed of. What the hell is wrong with you? (That question will be addressed in a future post.)

So that left me to my own devices about how to find out about it. Shopping catalogs, suggestive photos in any print media I could find, whatever. And having a mother that regularly tore her way through everything I owned meant that any of my discoveries were not privately held for any length of time. Oh yeah, Terry, let’s add shame and embarrassment to this whirlwind of emotions you’re trying to cope with. Right fucking on.

So, anyway, when I finally made it out on my own, this search got a little more methodical. Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, etc., at last started answering some of those lingering questions. Some. But not nearly all.

And the search for more and more knowledge has really been non-stop. Kind of a parallel to the continuing quest for knowledge about everything, you could say.

Hugh Hefner once got taken to task by Mike Wallace on a very old episode of ’60 Minutes’ about why Playboy (seemingly) advocated sex in its pages. Hugh had a very good answer. Playboy, he explained, was a lifestyle magazine, and contemporary lifestyle issues needed to address sexual responsibility. Face it, deal with it, learn how to use it, and grow. Hmmmm. Could this actually be common sense we are addressing?

And that brings me to a major point (one of several, as you are finding out). Sexual knowledge is not only power, it’s confidence. Sexually confident people are also socially responsible people.

My ignorance about sex when I was younger could have been disastrous, just as sexual ignorance has been disastrous for countless numbers of horny folks throughout time. I’m lucky it was only embarrassing. Didn’t feel lucky at the time, but you catch my drift. I think.

I’ve had parents who claim to be wise and successful in their parenting tell me that they don’t think sex education for their little darlings is appropriate. Somehow this notion exists that if you teach your kids about it, it is condoning those actions. Like you're giving them permission to go out and be as promiscuous as they want.

Well, I’ve got news for you folks. Your kids are thinking about it, and are doing it, anyway, and there isn’t a fucking thing you can do to stop that from happening. Go sit in a mall for a while and discreetly catch some of the conversations your kids are having with their friends. You’ll learn all sorts of stuff.

This has to be said: Sexual relations with and between minors are illegal for a reason. I am not advocating it. One of the most important things parents can do is to instruct their kids in what is legal, what is safe, what is smart, and what is responsible.

Yeah, it is embarrassing, because sexual feelings are among one's most private thoughts, and opening that window opens a flood gate of emotions. Which is the way it’s meant to be. Sexuality is indeed closely tied to emotional health.

But how embarrassing is it compared to the public humiliation of having your children proven sexually irresponsible in a court of law, or even in the court of public opinion? If people in your neighborhood or your local school district were to reveal that they knew all about your child’s sexual exploits, even though you’re still personally claiming some type of moral high ground, how would that really make you feel?

Earlier I mentioned sex education. It’s pretty clear to me that sex education in our schools doesn’t even begin to go far enough to address the core issues.

Sex is about (at least) two things: it’s about helping to establish a relationship-building trust between two individuals, and it’s about pleasure.

If society, and by extension our schools, taught that there are several ways to responsibly promote sexual satisfaction, we could absolutely wipe out unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and all that goes with them. Teach kids about erogenous zones. Teach them about how to satisfy their partner without actual 'pro-creational' intercourse. Teach them how to talk (and listen) to each other about what they like and what they want. It’s not only possible, it’s preferable, and it is really, really enjoyable. Trust me.

Face it – we all want to get our rocks off once in a while. It’s therapeutic; it feels good. There are too many people trying to control our lives who don’t do that, and you can tell right away who they are. Some of the most uptight (and dangerous) people I see are the abstinence-only advocates. I’ve witnessed the dangers of that type of denial first-hand. It is playing with fire.

So take sex for what it is – it’s natural, and it is pleasurable. But it is also something that you need to be smart about. Read, study, and talk (and listen), as much as you can. You’ll thank yourself, and each other (to paraphrase Jerry Springer). ;-)